After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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