Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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