The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
tell me about the fingering
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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