By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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