Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
