At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
