Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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