I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
