Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
