This is not my ceiling
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
