Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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