I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
