remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
