She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
