I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
