Need sex. Gaining weight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
