UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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