hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And then my night got REAL pukey
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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