Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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