Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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