Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
