Welp...herpes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
