the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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