I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
