so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
