He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
