nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
