i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
