Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize