i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
