Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
