oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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