you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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