I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
