"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
