K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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