That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
