I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
