I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
