The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
