he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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