We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
