How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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