..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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