He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
