hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My vagina just recognized that song.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
soo... how was my night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
