I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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