i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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