"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
