bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pants are for mortals
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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