I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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