U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
