Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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