i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
