so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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