went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
