get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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