somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
