Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize