so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
