I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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