id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In America we eat man semen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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